Ten Dollar Happiness

By Devin Mullin

There’s a certain joy in which I partake,
it might not be real, but it can’t be fake.
With all the time and money I’ve spent in it’s name,
there’s no possible way it was all in vain.
Instead of dealing with life I prefer to just shrug,
and quietly sweep my pain all under a rug.
I’ve got some issues, but I don’t need a shrink,
when all it takes is ten bucks to bring me back from the brink.

I only have that ten, but the feeling’s too sweet,
I guess for now I don’t need to eat.
That shit can wait, I’ve got food at home,
besides I’m laughing too hard to hear my stomach groan.

Wait, home, how am I going to get there?
I’ve spent all my money, there’s none left for the fare.
Well, whatever, a turnstile can be hopped,
but I guess it’s possible for me to be stopped.
An officer calling my home could be the end of my day.
I wonder what my mom would have to say.
Probably something about me ruining my life,
or about how I’m causing her so much strife.
She really believes that I just don’t care,
it’s just that I look to the right, and my joy is right there.

Everything’s a struggle, it’s always a fight,
but it’s easy to just live life in the fire light.
Finding happiness in the world takes so long,
but my way is so simple, I can’t believe that it’s wrong.
I start off sad, but ten bucks later I’m great,
I have work to do, but I can get it in late,
actually fuck it I really don’t care if I fail,
I just have to plan how to tell my parents this tale.

Damn I hate this so hate this so much, I just want to forget,
ten more dollars spent and now I am set.
Was I upset about something? I could of sworn I was sad,
I just can’t remember any feelings I’ve had.

I feel so numb my mouth is stuck in a smile.
It’ll be gone at some point, but I still have a while.
It’s important to keep it as long as I can,
I could give a fuck if it ruins some plans.
Those things are for a future that’s so far away,
they have no bearing on what I do today.
So I live how I want, I don’t hurt anyone,
I simply want to be allowed my fun.

But pause, what about the people who care,
their concern for me is so hard to bear.
When the world comes crashing it’s them who cry,
I feel nothing, yet to them I lie.
I tell them I’ll work hard, I’ll turn it around,
but my course won’t change till I’m in the ground.

Why should it, I doubt myself for no man,
But all of these tears weren’t part of the plan.
They whip against my face like rain in the wind,
falling in the thousands, one for all of my sins.
These tears fall mostly from frustrated and tired eyes,
but a good deal of them fall directly from I.
I’m drowning and I see a life jacket in sight,
but a man says it costs ten dollars to light.
That’s nothing to consider the exchange is made,
and I thank god that the hurting will soon fade.

I’m sick of feeling this way when I think over my life,
so I turn to these bags instead of a knife.
Thank your stars the bag has always won that race,
because otherwise the knife would be slashing the lord’s face.
Just to allow me to bring the world down to my level,
and laugh as I watch you all dance with my devils.
Finally I’d find a few understanding faces,
after succeeding in putting them back in their places.
They’d be faced with trying to work out my trauma,
and they’d see why I choose not to deal with the drama.
There’d be no time for them to find a new way,
as they would need to get rid of the pain on that very day.
They’d soon look to me and learn what I’ve known a while,
that it’s silly to frown when it’s only ten bucks to smile.