- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
"Amplified Evening"
Folk vibrates through fringe coated with dust
as coffee doubles my burn,
worth it because of quality.
Pretension, perhaps, saturates the roasted air.
The best seat in the house is by a
stranger / friend
learning more about me than I ever care
to tell-
past written words give me away.
A bittersweet shiver reminds my contented core
that...
this can't last.
Things aren't for sure yet.
It's fear:
the future may not be this,
but it's comfort:
it will be some other deep flavor
of the sublime.
1 comment:
Mm, interesting. First line is very nice, second two confuse me a bit--maybe don't cut out minor words, I feel like "worth it because of quality" is sortof starved, needs the rest of the words to fill it out, maybe that's just me being prose-y, I don't know.
I've been on a huge anti-alliteration kick, so I'm not crazy about "Pretension, perhaps" or "contented core", but again that might just be me being crazy; "saturates the roasted air" is a lot nicer and sneaker with the Rs hiding all over the place.
My only legitimate gripe is that I would have no idea what's going on without your little lead in comment/note/thingy.
Post a Comment