I wrote this for English class and I actually ended up liking it a decent amount.
People always believe that
after a while
it's next to impossible
to get lost in a familiar place.
Even in the dark, they say,
the twists and turns of your house,
your home,
remain clear.
Even when you've gone for a while
it doesn't matter
because it has simply become
muscle memory.
So when Harry stands in his kitchen
unable to recall
the way back to his room
or even his front door
after 50 years
(has it been 50 years?)
in the same house
with the same fixtures and flatware
with the same woman
He deosn't call for help.
He stares at the floor
while swallows sing outside the kitchen window
and tries not to curse
every god his mind has held on to.
Because he is lost in his house.
Because he has lost his home.
2 comments:
Loved it very much Melissa. Good narrative, good wording, nice line breaks. Neat little poem with a tinge of pathos. Only thing I didn't like was the final bit. Just the last two lines really. They sounded like a cliche to me. It might sound more unique with a different ending line or two. Of course, it's your call, your work of passion and love, etc...
I agree with Charles about the last two lines...I'd keep "Because he is lost in his house" 'cause it sounds nice even if it's a bit obvious, and kill the last one.
Overall very nice and...I want to say "clean", I'm not sure if that gets the idea across--very smooth, tight, and precise.
Oh, and I'd change "because it has simply become" to "because it simply becomes"--nit-picky, but I think it reads a bit more smoothly.
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